What is Parental Alienation?
The process and the result of psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarned fear, disrespect, or hostility towards the other parent, relatives, and/or others. This can be caused by sheltering or hiding the child from the other parent, keeping important information or event from the other parent, and manipulating the child into not wanting to see the other parent.
My significant other and I deal with one high-conflict mother. If you have followed my page for awhile now, you know that we are co-parenting well with one bio mother and the other bio mother does not want to co-parent. With the high-conflict mother, we experience Parental Alienation. The high-conflict mother tells the kids that they do not have to go with their father. She tells the kids that her father cancelled a day, but does not explain the reasoning; leaving the kids upset at their father. She picks the kids up at random times and tells them she will reward them if they go home with her. She ignores phone calls from my significant other, and refuses to let the children speak to him.
My significant other’s parents then alienate the children by telling them adult matters such as court and how “their father should neverrrr take his parents to court.” When family turns the children against their own father, Parental Alienation occurs.
What are some ways narcissists alienate children from the other parent:
The alienator uses materialistic items to bribe for loyalty from children. This can include new toys, a trip, food, or one-on-one time. This usually occurs during the other parent’s time with the children.
The alienator will not have set rules in their home, and not support the rules in the other parent’s home. This creates chaos in the other parent’s home since the children are not familiar with rules.
- The Blame Game
The alienator will blame the other parent or their significant other for the chaos. They will tell the children that if it wasn’t for the other parent or their significant other, the children would not be so bad.
So what are some red flags to look for if you suspect Parental Alienation? Here are some red flags that you should look for when the sole parent is alienating the child:
- They will not inform you of school events, or extracurricular activities.
- They will limit/cease/sabotage contact with the other parent.
- They will hide important information in regards to the child.
- They will disparage you and your family in front of the children.
- They will not inform you of health concerns.
- They will play themselves as the hero, and you as the villain.
- The children become randomly defiant.
- They will not inform you of teacher/parent conferences.
- The children begin to shut out the other parent.
So how can you combat parenting when the bio mother alienates the children?
Your significant other needs to stand his ground, and make it known that what the bio mother is doing is wrong.
Your significant other needs to sit the children down and explain how he wants to see them and how much he loves them.
If you go through a storm where the children absolutely refuses to come, just keep pushing through. One day the children will realize what alienation does and they will come around.
I get it, life gets in the way with sports, after-school activities, and parties. But when someone completely pushes the children away from their father, that is when you and your significant other need to step in and stop bio mother in her tracks.
“Parental Alienation is an emotional act of violence that is aimed at an adult, but critically wounds a child.”
― Steve Maraboli
Hang in there, stepmomma.