What is the definition of a mother? The Dictionary states a mother is as follows:
- A woman in relation to her child(ren).
- A woman who brings up a child with care and affection.
Why is it that a mother can only be the biological mother, in a blended family? In this day and age, there are more blended families, than they are whole families. I do not see why being the second mother, or the step mother, is a bad thing. Alot of people have a stigma that we are just trying to replace the biological mother, force the kids to love us, or to even block out the biological mother in a whole. In a blended family, there is one battle that us step-moms do not want to deal with. “Who is Mom?”
I am a biological mother to a spunky, smart toddler. She is mine solely, due to her father resigning his position. I met my fiance and he instantly fell into the role as her father, and he is doing a damn good job. When court was established for the rights to be removed of her birth father, there was no “you will never be her father”, or other outbursts to my fiance from her birth dad. The father’s simply do not care, as long as the child is provided for. But with motherhood, it is… a competition? Why? This means there is a whole bunch of people to love YOUR child! Cherish the fact that another woman is willing to help raise your child.
So why the competition? I know, I am bombarding you with questions, however, it is hard to see the true intentions on a biological mother without said questions. Is it a jealousy issue, is she afraid you will be the “cool” mom, or is she just a controlling individual and it is her-way-or-the-highway? What ever the case may be, you are still helping raise the child(ren). She needs to accept the fact of three things:
- You are with her ex and there is nothing she can do about it (Yay, you!).
- You are helping raise her child(ren).
- You are filling the spot of mother, when it is their father’s time.
Step mothers are not out to take the biological mother’s spot. In some cases, step moms do get full mothership due to a biological mother passing, resigning her position, etc. We are here to co-parent, raise those babies as our own, and to love them! Step-moms get this terrible, inaccurate stereotype of being evil, controlling the father, and not giving a damn about the children. Wrong, wrong, and wrong.
So… my significant other’s first ex-wife is very high-conflict. She does not want to co-parent in the slightest bit, she calls herself mom and dad (even though he is 100% involved), and she makes all of the calls. We have heard all sorts of colorful things come out of the children’s mouths, but my biggest kicker was the fact of our SS4 saying he was told to not love me and to not call me mother due to what his mom said. Okay, okay. I know some children lie, but I have heard this statement from my significant other’s family, his other siblings, and his mother’s mouth.
What am I supposed to say to, “is it okay to call you mom?”
The first thought that came across my mind was: “why on earth do you have to ask me that. I love you with all of my heart”. I took a second to analyze my SD8 facial express when she asked me. I seen fear, I seen concern, and mostly I seen some type of spark down in her heart that she wanted to call me mom, but was scared of what I would react with.
I told her, “well of course, and I am happy to be your momma.”
I gave her a hug, and she ran on to play. From then on out, all of the kids have been calling me mom. Some times I get a “momma Heather”, or simply “Heather”. What ever the children want to call me, is fine with me. They gained my trust, they accepted me, and that is the best feeling in the world. Now with that, I noticed when the kids come over upset or are mad at each other, it is only Heather. When they are lovey-dovey, its Mom. Kids will be kids, right?
With all of this wrapped up, the term mom is the most uplifting word. It means comfort, love, support, and most of all, affection. Be a mom. Do not live up to other individuals standards. Be there for the children.