“How Many Kids Do You Have?”



There is still, to this day, a huge stigma on stepmothers and their roles in the children’s’ lives. Therefore, we tend to reserve ourselves when we are addressed on certain topics.

I went into Wal-Mart to start on some Christmas shopping. I had too much for self-checkout, but didn’t want to stand in lines for a good half an hour to check out. I sucked it up, and jumped in line. I had a good assortment of toys, clothes, and books for the children. The lady that was running the register had a shocked look on her face, as if the purchase was large. It was. Providing Christmas for a large family, means a large list of gifts. Anywho, she finally spoke and stated that I had quiet the amount of gifts. I said, “yes, I wanted to get Christmas done early so I can enjoy the holiday.” She asked “HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU HAVE?”

And here we are. The confusing and intimidating question:

How many kids do you have?

It seems like you are in the wrong either way. You answer it by saying:

  1. I have five kids: then people would be pissed that you are replacing their mother.
  2. I just have one kid: then people would be pissed that you do not include the other four children.
  3. I have one, and my fiancé has four: then people would think that my daughter is more important.

Oh Lord, how do I answer this. For some reason, my mouth just vomited without thinking. I stated, “we have five kids”. This… was a good answer. I felt empowered and I felt as though it was not anyone’s business as to the complex story of how our family came about. Right?

This would usually stop the conversation. It may extend it to them asking how old they are, and I just state their age. Usually if they are a stranger, I do not go into detail as far as being a step mom, and etc. My family is the only one to know the dynamics, names, and more information.

So, if you ever feel as though you do not know how to answer the taunting question, just answer:

WE have _____ kids.

It is the truth, it is vague, and it is empowering. Do not ever stress or worry what someone else would think of your family’s dynamics. Quite honestly, I do not give a rat’s ass about people’s opinions on my family,  because it is MY family.

“It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.”

-Johann Schiller

Enjoy YOUR family.


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