As a stepmom, I am sure you have heard the term of, “you knew what you were getting into”. No, no we really didn’t. We may have known how many children, a brief description of the children’s personalities, and some information on the mothers.
In my case, I knew Codie had two sons and one daughter through his first wife, and one daughter through his second wife. I knew the first wife was very adamant about her being the only one in control. I also knew the second wife was a bit more cooperative when it came to co-parenting. I understood that the three older ones were alienated from a lot of things in this world, while the youngest was a free-spirit.
What I did not know, was the severity of some of the actions within Codie’s family and the ex-wives. This blog isn’t about bashing or bad-mouthing the ex-wives, it is about MY story. However, the past that Codie has created does play a role in my life and my future. Going from one child of my own, to now five, it has taken quiet an adjustment.
I did not know I was getting into huge meltdowns about having to sleep in his (youngest son: age five) own bed, meltdowns because she couldn’t dry herself (oldest daughter: age eight) off, or jealousy within siblings. With that, Codie and I try to come up with ways to break these habits. Codie and I may want to ring each other’s necks at times, but at the end of the day, we are each other’s’ rocks.
Codie really didn’t know what he was getting into when I told him I had a full-time child, either. He was used to having his children on certain days and weekends, while I had my daughter every day (due to the lack of a father). It took Codie just a short amount of time to get adjusted to the new change (quicker than I thought he would).
I also didn’t know what I was getting into when people state, “you should not have any more children since he already has four.” Hunny, it is not my fault that he already has four. It is not fair to me. I want another child and if we are fully capable to have another one (in due time), we will. I cannot believe how many people tell me that. It is not their business, and I let it roll off like I should.
As a stepmom, I notice we are the punching bag. We get all of the bad wrap (especially being the second or third marriage). For what? Satisfaction? Because last time I knew, I am helping raise YOUR children. With that, I have accepted his four, wonderful children in as my own.
To all of the people saying, “you knew what you were getting into”, you are sadly mistaken. It takes a strong, bad-ass momma to be a stepmom. To the stepmoms that question why they are in this, just look at the children’s faces. That is why. Keep pushing through. I know the kids can be little *insert poop emoji here*, but at the end of the day, they love YOU. They cherish you. They NEED you.
“Motherhood is not a hobby. It is a calling. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”
To conclude, do not listen to judgmental people’s garbage. You knew what you THOUGHT you were getting into, and you are on a journey. The journey of motherhood.